Spring Break!

We had a great Spring break!! One of the best!

We went to the park a few times, to the library...(I know, pretty exciting huh?)out to eat, we went shopping...or I did :)... Got me two new shirts, earrings and a necklace. Score. All on clearance. Score again. Seriously, why is it that going shopping just makes a girl happy?

Another thing that makes me happy that I got to partake in this Spring Break...

Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies!! In January I started a new years resolution and I am happy to report I did it! I have lost 13 pounds as of yesterday and I have about 9 more to go before I reach my goal! It's amazing the difference just losing 10-13 pounds makes you feel.


The weekend before Spring Break, Madi lost her first tooth. We hooked her tooth up with string and tried the "slamming the door" approach, but the string would just slide off and wouldn't pull the tooth out. Even when Ryan slammed the door so hard it knocked the picture off the wall in the opposite room. Oops. She was quite brave. I wouldn't have done it. But she tried it more than a few times. I winced every time Ryan slammed the door. But it just didn't work.  So she wiggled it all day and all night. And by the next morning right before church, it fell out.

BUT the BEST part of Spring break was the company we had! My best friend Kimberly,

(The only picture we got together the whole time. Can you say, Slackers?)

from high school drove down from Oklahoma with her four beautiful kids and spent three days with us! It was so great to see her. We email and call each other but it's been years since we have SEEN each other, but it didn't feel that way at all. We laughed and talked just like old times. I had only met two of her four kids, Aliya who is now 7, I met when she was first born. And I met Parker when he was a baby. So it was so good to get to know her kids better. They are darling kids. Here's a picture of her youngest, Zurie.

She is so cute!

Well they came down on Thursday, St. Patrick's Day. So we had a scavenger hunt for them. They got all kinds of goodies and they seemed to have had a great time searching the house for clues and prizes for their baskets. We had a green dinner...ok, the food wasn't all green, but the plates, cups and everything else was.

7 (8) kids! We have replenished and multiplied, that's for sure. :)

While Kimberly was here, she taught me how to braid. Ok, so I was shown how to do it when I was like ten, but have never braided anyone's hair before, even my own girls.  Sad, huh? They have been deprived of braids....up till NOW. I got the hang of it pretty fast. I think Kimberly even said, "I was her best student"....right, Kimberly?  ;) haha.

So here's Madi sporting her first braids, EVER! I know, I am so cool. not!

I think the kids enjoyed going swimming the most...well, maybe not my kids. They were scared to death to swim even with floaties on their arms. It was sure fun to watch Landon and Aliya though. They were fearless in the pool!

And I had to post this picture of little Zurie that I stole from Kimberly's blog. We didn't have swim diapers for the two younger ones and their diapers swelled up so big, that it made their bums look like little ant bums. It was so funny!

We had such a great time with them and since they only live 3 1/2 hours from us we will definitely get together a lot more! It was exactly what I needed...to see my best friend! Thanks Kimberly! 

11:11

I miss my little boy today.

This morning I got up early and walked down the little path in our apartment complex to the small gym they have provided for the residents to use. Before I jumped on the treadmill to begin my grueling workout-haha, I turned on the TV above me as I walked briskly. The show that was just coming on was called, 19 and counting. Many of you have probably seen this show before. It's about a really nice, religious couple who have 19 kids! I have seen a show or two about them before but that was WAY before they had their own TV show, and at that time they only had 16 kids, I believe. So it's been a few years since I have seen this family on TV. And now they are up to 19! Crazy. I mean seriously, "crazy-I-would-be."

Well, as I was watching, the parents of the 19 kids were heading up to the hospital to see their newest baby, a girl named Josie (I think) and she was born very early. The mother (forgot her name, the only one in the family that doesn't have a "J" name) was talking to another young new mother at the hospital, who had a son that was born at  23 weeks and 2 days. Weighing 1 pound 9 ounces. And as soon as they showed footage of this tiny sweet boy who was hooked up to a ventilator and all the tubes coming from him, I just bawled!

As you know our little ones, Emily and Ethan were born unexpectedly at 23 weeks. Emily was 1 pound 4 ounces and Ethan was 1 pound 7 ounces. So when this young mother was talking about her little boy and the struggles and heartache she was going through, I couldn't hold back the tears! It was like I was reliving it all over again. The sights, sounds and worry. The heartache of seeing your baby on a ventilator and so so sick and there's nothing you can do but pray, wait and pray some more. I don't know what has happened with this young mother or her baby boy. I don't know when this episode was taped, but I pray that this little boy makes it and he comes out stronger as well as this young mother.

I still think about Ethan everyday. Whether it's just for a few short seconds as I pass by his picture, a TV show that says something that reminds me of him.Talking with other mothers at the library or store who ask, "How many kids do you have?" (I still have a hard time answering that question). Many times a memory will just pop into my head, or a noise or smell will remind me of him. Always when I hear the name "Ethan". Always when I see twins, especially boy and girl twins. And always and especially when I see the numbers:

11:11 AM/PM on any digital clock.

Why 11:11?

11:11 is such a special number to me. I haven't shared this with too many people, because most would think, "crazy-I-am". But when I was in high school I would lay awake staring at my digital clock on my nightstand almost in a nervous, anxious, yet, excited state. And when the clock went from 11:10 to 11:11, it was like, I could now sleep. I had seen "my" number so I could now close my eyes....

BUT wait! Did I? Had I really seen it??  Sometimes even after I saw 11:11, I would have to peek again and again and again, till it turned 11:12. It was like I had an OCD with this particular number. I would have to reassure myself that I did see it.  I really can't say why I did this. Well, for obvious reasons, I am weird. Call me a dork. Or call me crazy. Whichever you prefer. lol.

It was almost a nightly ritual. Of course, there were nights in high school that I would go to bed at 10 or even 9:30 if I could, which didn't happen often so I would miss my 11:11 moment. But those nights where I was up late doing homework, showering, getting home from working late, I would always lay wide awake until 11:11 had passed.

Now WHY or HOW does this relate to Ethan you may be asking?

Ethan was born at 11:11am. A beautiful gift.

Waking up in the hospital after the twins were born I was in so much pain. Well, that is a bit of an understatement. It WAS the most excruciating physical pain I have ever felt in my life.  I had an emergency C-section. The pain of being cut open, stapled shut and throwing up several times during and after the procedure as my earlier breakfast meal was not going to stay down. The pain in my abdomen was so intense, as there was no time for pain killers. It literally felt like I had been shot through the stomach by a missile! (Not that I know what a missile through the stomach feels like, but if I did, it would have felt like this, I am sure.)

The pain was so intense I couldn't even talk. All I could do was moan and cry. Yet, through all that, my mind was racing. My thoughts were uncontrollable, going from one extreme to another..... Are our babies OK? Are they even alive? I hurt so bad! Where are the babies? Why is this tube up my crotch? My stomach hurts! Why are all these people around me? Who shot me? My stomach hurts! How come my eyes won't stay open?! Where are my parents? Where is Ryan?-Oh there is he. My stomach hurts!! Am I naked?-Hurry, cover up!  Why isn't this pain medicine working?! I keep pushing the button! Where's my babies? Did they survive? Am I going to DIE!? My stomach!!

I know. Dramatic, huh?

Ryan was there by my side talking with me, telling me things, as my thoughts were racing. Yet, it was like he was speaking another language. Most everything he said was going in one ear and out the other. I couldn't focus on his words at all but one thing he did tell me that I remember vividly was he said, "Ethan was born at 11:11."

11:11!?

That's my special number!

It will be two years in a little over a month when Emily and Ethan came into our lives. I am so grateful that we have Emily in our lives, I can't imagine our family without her. But I miss Ethan. I often wonder what he would have looked like, and what his personality would have been like. If he would have liked pickles like Ryan and I? If he would have taken the opposite shoe that Emily had taken and wear it around the house too? If he would have sneaked a bag of Oreo's, hid under his bed and I would have caught him with chocolate all over his face, whiling he is grinning from ear to ear at me. If he would have made a cute noise imitating that of a car or truck as he pushed it on the kitchen tile? If he would have been a football, baseball or tennis boy? Or if he would have been a great singer like his daddy? What it would feel like to get kisses and hugs from a little boy? My little boy.

I love that Ryan is the first, and oldest and Ethan is the last and youngest. "0xxxxo." And us, girls are surrounded by our boys.

Many might say that it was a coincident that Ethan was born at 11:11. That it doesn't mean anything. But I   don't, and can't believe that. I believe Heavenly Father gives all of us signs and little things in our lives if we are open to it, that can give us a glimpse of the other side while we are here on earth. I believe this was by no mistake that Ethan was born at this special time. It makes me ponder why in high school I would always have to wait and witness this number on the clock.  I didn't know then what it would mean to me now. Now, I know. Heavenly Father always knew. It is a great reminder to me of His eternal love for me and for our family. He has given me so many blessings and although this one may seem small, it has been a great blessing and strength to me since Ethan's passing. How can a number be a great strength and blessing?

11:11 is more to me, than just a number. It gives me a feeling that Ethan has stopped his work just for a minute to look down at me as I look up at him and we smile at each other and tell each other, I love you. And we will be together again soon.

(I posted this at 11:11am today....  I love you Ethan. We will be together again soon. Love, Mom)

Miss Emily

Just a few silly pictures of Emily lately....

Our Cal-La-Re-Na

Avery started dance/ballet class two weeks ago and she loves it!! However, I am still not sure why but she pronounces it as, Cal-La-Re-Na.
Ummm...Ok...?? Sure.
I am constantly reminding her it's, B-allerina. But, I guess she prefers Cal-La-Re-Na. Can't argue with a three year old!

I am glad she loves going because I love watching her. It's amazing to me that two girls that come from the same DNA of two people, end up completely different. Madi hated it!  Which is totally fine. I hated it too, when I was a little girl and cried every time my mom took me! (sorry Mom!) Madi and Avery are exact opposites in many ways. But yet, they are best buds. You know what they say, opposites attract. They are either hugging and kissing each other or... Madi: "No, this is how you do it, Avery! Not like that!"....Avery: "No, like this Madi!!"

Here I go rambling again. 

Anyway, this was Avery's first day of dance. Before we left the house I took these beauties...

She is holding a string cheese in these pictures...

What a Ham. Or, a cheese.

HAHA! She is quite the poser, huh? :) She loves being in front of the camera.

Here's her second week of ballet:

Too cute.

A few clips from her class. There is 5-7 girls that come typically.

"My idea of heaven is 'being a couch potato' and someone to share it with."

Looking through these pictures of my girls I came across an almost embarrassing theme to them all....and if the title of this post didn't give it away then these pictures will.

A prime example of what a "couch potato" looks like.

Either my kids watch way too much TV,

OR 

I seem to mostly take pictures of them when they are still, quite, cute and behaving...(don't mind Avery's tiger face, it has become her signature pose) which only seems to be when they are watching a movie or cartoon. 

I sure hope it's the second hypothesis.

Boyfriend blues... and ramblings of a mother.

Apparently, Madisen has a boyfriend.

She declared it so yesterday.

Ummm. What?!  

I was stunned.


Still am.

I didn't even know she knew what a "boyfriend" was?

Either I was being naive to the fact that she knew these things, or I just thought she was indeed naive and didn't know any of these things. (did that even make sense?)

Guess I was naive.

This is how it all went down...

Madisen and Avery were playing together in the living room when I over heard her from the bedroom say, "Avery, you don't even know...."

I walked over and opened the bedroom door a little more to hear her continue to say, "...I have a boyfriend. His name is Trenton C. And he is cute. We even traded Dinosaur cards."

First of all, those that know Madisen well, know she can be very timid. She has been labeled "shy" ever since she was one. She is a afraid to try new things, turns bright red when the spotlight is on her and cries easily when others, especially her sisters get hurt. She is very sensitive and naive...or so I thought, till now. She probably knows more than I give her credit for. 



I wasn't that into boys growing up. I never had a boyfriend until my Junior year of High School. (And I was not considered nearly as shy as she is.) Glad too. They, "boyfriends", really weren't all they were cracked up to be.


So can you understand now, WHY I am stunned by this revelation, that SHE has a boyfriend??




Speaking about being shy, it made me think of another subject. For years Madisen has been asked, "ARE you shy?" OR, they just presume it, "You ARE shy."

Which by the way, I HATE. I hate when people in the store, total strangers, say that to her. They don't know her. They barely met her, 5 seconds ago! Don't presume to label my child when you don't even know her! (I am really passionate about this subject can't you tell?)

It just makes her conform that much more to it, when told it. She is being label "shy" therefore she tells herself, "I am shy"  and acts "shy". 

So to correct this, every time someone tells her that she is "shy" I (politely) correct them by saying, "No, she is not shy. She is friendly and talkative and funny." (Mother bear comes out to protect her cub).

I just don't want her labeling herself anymore as being "shy", just because someone else tells her she is. She can be anything she wants to be, darn it! :)

And that subject makes me think of another closely related subject, (I should probably just write another blog post or make this into essay form...a, b, c...etc.) when talking to other people about your kids whether on the phone or in person while your child is in ear shot of the conversation you should NEVER talk negatively about them or put them in a negative light. It's not healthy.

For example, I overheard a mother one time on her cell phone talking about her child in a very negative way, stating many bad behaviors the child had done, even to the point of using swear words, and calling her daughter names that I would need soap to wash my mouth out with. And the sad part was, her daughter was right there in front of her! How sad. Imagine what that little girl felt and how it probably crushed her spirit and embarrassed her. My heart went out to her. 

I am grateful that my own mom taught me this very important lesson early on when Madisen was younger. As I, too, made the same mistake of doing just that, right in front of her. I said out of anger, "Ugh! Madi is being such a little brat today!"

Oops. I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me. And I am embarrassed that it did that day, but I have learned the importance of this, not only for my kids but for me. It makes children feel bad, worthless and they come to not trust you as a parent over time. 

But one of the best things you can do is say POSITIVE things about them in front of others. As I have done this from time to time, I literally have seen my girls' heads rise in pride, and their self esteem just sky-rockets! We, as mothers have such power! Let's use it for good.


And please don't tell my child that she IS shy. :) But I will allow you to tell her anything positive. :)

OK...so back to my first point of this post...(I know, I am rambling, but I did warn you about it in the title.)

Madisen has a "boyfriend". 

Obviously as a kindergarten-er this doesn't mean the same thing as it would to a 17 year old girl. But I am just not ready for this stage yet and it's here knocking at my door. I thought I would have years to prepare for this knock. 5 years is just not enough time. Especially when I still vividly remember the day we were finally able to bring this bundle of joy home from the hospital, on Mother's Day.

Now 5 years and 10 months later (give or take a few days), she is trading dinosaurs cards with her "boyfriend".  

Pretty soon they will be painting dinosaur characters with hearts around it on each other's cheeks...what's a mother to do? 

Boo-hoo.

  

.

Gangsta "Bub-bas"

I always find it so cute and funny when babies and especially toddlers put on grown-up hats, shoes, boots, shirts and all other clothing and accessory items. I can never take my eyes off them. I even notice I love to watch other kids do this too. I could watch them for hours, seriously. Putting on, taking off, stepping into, stepping out of, pulling over, turning the item upside down, and inside out. Stretching it out, tugging on it, and ultimately strutting around their "stuff" like they have accomplished something amazing.

  It is fascinating to me and I find it so darn cute!

Here's Bubs struttin' her "stuff". Looking pretty cool.

(oh, and her ONE shoe)

Oops! We'll pretend this didn't happen.

 Back to being "cool"..