Boyfriend blues... and ramblings of a mother.

Apparently, Madisen has a boyfriend.

She declared it so yesterday.

Ummm. What?!  

I was stunned.


Still am.

I didn't even know she knew what a "boyfriend" was?

Either I was being naive to the fact that she knew these things, or I just thought she was indeed naive and didn't know any of these things. (did that even make sense?)

Guess I was naive.

This is how it all went down...

Madisen and Avery were playing together in the living room when I over heard her from the bedroom say, "Avery, you don't even know...."

I walked over and opened the bedroom door a little more to hear her continue to say, "...I have a boyfriend. His name is Trenton C. And he is cute. We even traded Dinosaur cards."

First of all, those that know Madisen well, know she can be very timid. She has been labeled "shy" ever since she was one. She is a afraid to try new things, turns bright red when the spotlight is on her and cries easily when others, especially her sisters get hurt. She is very sensitive and naive...or so I thought, till now. She probably knows more than I give her credit for. 



I wasn't that into boys growing up. I never had a boyfriend until my Junior year of High School. (And I was not considered nearly as shy as she is.) Glad too. They, "boyfriends", really weren't all they were cracked up to be.


So can you understand now, WHY I am stunned by this revelation, that SHE has a boyfriend??




Speaking about being shy, it made me think of another subject. For years Madisen has been asked, "ARE you shy?" OR, they just presume it, "You ARE shy."

Which by the way, I HATE. I hate when people in the store, total strangers, say that to her. They don't know her. They barely met her, 5 seconds ago! Don't presume to label my child when you don't even know her! (I am really passionate about this subject can't you tell?)

It just makes her conform that much more to it, when told it. She is being label "shy" therefore she tells herself, "I am shy"  and acts "shy". 

So to correct this, every time someone tells her that she is "shy" I (politely) correct them by saying, "No, she is not shy. She is friendly and talkative and funny." (Mother bear comes out to protect her cub).

I just don't want her labeling herself anymore as being "shy", just because someone else tells her she is. She can be anything she wants to be, darn it! :)

And that subject makes me think of another closely related subject, (I should probably just write another blog post or make this into essay form...a, b, c...etc.) when talking to other people about your kids whether on the phone or in person while your child is in ear shot of the conversation you should NEVER talk negatively about them or put them in a negative light. It's not healthy.

For example, I overheard a mother one time on her cell phone talking about her child in a very negative way, stating many bad behaviors the child had done, even to the point of using swear words, and calling her daughter names that I would need soap to wash my mouth out with. And the sad part was, her daughter was right there in front of her! How sad. Imagine what that little girl felt and how it probably crushed her spirit and embarrassed her. My heart went out to her. 

I am grateful that my own mom taught me this very important lesson early on when Madisen was younger. As I, too, made the same mistake of doing just that, right in front of her. I said out of anger, "Ugh! Madi is being such a little brat today!"

Oops. I shouldn't have let my anger get the best of me. And I am embarrassed that it did that day, but I have learned the importance of this, not only for my kids but for me. It makes children feel bad, worthless and they come to not trust you as a parent over time. 

But one of the best things you can do is say POSITIVE things about them in front of others. As I have done this from time to time, I literally have seen my girls' heads rise in pride, and their self esteem just sky-rockets! We, as mothers have such power! Let's use it for good.


And please don't tell my child that she IS shy. :) But I will allow you to tell her anything positive. :)

OK...so back to my first point of this post...(I know, I am rambling, but I did warn you about it in the title.)

Madisen has a "boyfriend". 

Obviously as a kindergarten-er this doesn't mean the same thing as it would to a 17 year old girl. But I am just not ready for this stage yet and it's here knocking at my door. I thought I would have years to prepare for this knock. 5 years is just not enough time. Especially when I still vividly remember the day we were finally able to bring this bundle of joy home from the hospital, on Mother's Day.

Now 5 years and 10 months later (give or take a few days), she is trading dinosaurs cards with her "boyfriend".  

Pretty soon they will be painting dinosaur characters with hearts around it on each other's cheeks...what's a mother to do? 

Boo-hoo.

  

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