Being a Mom

Once again, I am sorry for the lack of blogging. I haven't had any motivation to blog. At all, really. I don't know why either-!? Being a mom is awesome. But also a lot of work. And when I finally get time to myself I either enjoy working out, reading a good book, or catching up on some much needed Zzz. I love reading everyone else's blogs, but my own blog has lost my attention. Sometimes I think, well if I just change the background on my blog maybe that will spark something in me to get me to blog. But when that doesn't work, I slowly slide out of the chair, defeated and sighing and hit the couch with a good book instead. What's my problem!?

So I am really pushing myself right now to sit here and type. Whatever comes to mind and let you all know (those that still check this dormant thing), that I am still here. Barely, but here.

I think I have just been utterly exhausted with everything lately. You know; cleaning the house five or more times a day (once you clean up one mess, another mess is already in the process...), the endless loads of laundry, making something suitable and healthy for dinner (or at least striving not to give in to cereal, waffles, or pancakes every other night). Scrubbing floors, or dried on spaghetti sauce on dishes left from the night before (yes, sometimes I don't get around to finishing the dishes, so sue me! haha. jk.), feeding, burping, changing dirty diapers left and right, cleaning up spilled...well, anything that can be spilled. Making lunches, and snacks in between and then cleaning that up. Giving baths, going to appointments, grocery shopping, and oh, I can't forget vacuuming! Vacuuming my whole house at least twice a day as you can see every little speck on our lovely green carpet, which drives me crazy. Seriously. (I vow now, that I will never again rent or buy a house with green carpet. And if I do, it will be the first thing to go before moving in). I wouldn't be surprised if I had OCD-obsessive compulsive disorder with how much I vacuum. Sometimes I feel the neighbors are peering over the fence wondering why the vacuum is always running.

We all know how exhausting it is to be a mom. Yet, I love it! I really do. I love being able to stay home with my kids. I am not the best mom in the world, but I think I am a good mom most days. Or at least I try to be the very best mom I know how. There will ALWAYS be things I need to work on, like the volume of my voice as it rises a few decibels when I get upset with my girls, or getting impatient with them after telling them to do something for the tenth time! But I truly love being a mom. And when I go to bed most nights I think, today was a good day; my girls and I laughed together, played games, had funny conversations at lunch or in the car, got many hugs and sweet kisses from them (never enough though!), heard many giggles as the girls played together, made Emily smile at least a dozen times-every one melting my heart, read great adventures in books, splashed and sang songs in the tub, felt the spirit during scripture reading and prayers.



Yes. Today was a good day.

And when I have days like this I can't help but get teary-eyed as I see all the beautiful things around me that I have been blessed with. When I am holding Emily in my arms, staring into her cute face the tears start to fall even before I know it. Or when I see Avery's big cheesy grin and those cute kissable cheeks as she is running towards me, or Madi's sweet whisperings to her sisters, I smile and take in as much of the moment as I can, because time goes by so fast and I wish I could remember everything. Every little grin, giggle, embrace, movement, sound and feeling. Even with all the endless messes, spills and vacuuming, I wouldn't trade these moments with my kids for anything! I LOVE being a mom and I try to remember not to take it for granted.



Yessssss! I did it!

I blogged.

What happens when...

you give a two year old cake beaters?

They will ALWAYS make a mess...

What happens when you give a two year old chocolate to eat?

They almost always get a mustache...

What happens when a two year old gets dressed all by themselves?

They usually end up looking something like this:

What happens when you give a two year old their own sunglasses?

They almost always put them on upside down...

What happens when your two year old gets up in the morning?

They almost will always look like white trash:

What happens when a two year old gets into something they are are not suppose to and makes a terrible mess?

First of course you laugh, then get mad, and then you have to give them a bath...


What happens when you take a toy away from a two year old and THEN ask them to smile?

Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen.

What happens when you give a two year old a present?

They almost always play with the packaging instead...

What happens when a two year old gets a hold of the camera?

You most certainty will find pictures like this on your camera:

Ah, to be a TWO year old...

it MUST be exhausting!

Hospital Stay

We had a little bit of a scare the other night.... Not two hours after posting that last post, about Emily, Emily was having a hard time breathing and we thought her air way was constricted. Since my husband is in the Physician Assistant Program and doing his rotations right now, he noticed that Emily had something called, Stridor. We called our neighbors and they came over to watch our kids and help give Emily a priesthood blessing. Then we went to the doctor's office and did some chest x-rays on her and they emitted her into the hospital for the night to monitor her. Emily was given some steroids to help with the inflammation of her trachea tube and they did some respiratory treatments with her. I stayed with her overnight and after the treatments, I noticed a HUGE difference right away in her breathing! She was released from the hospital yesterday morning and is doing a lot better and is completely off her oxygen!

So Emily gave us a little bit of a scare but she is doing fine now. Now that Madi is in preschool we think she brought some sort of virus home and Emily caught it. I thought we were being pretty cautious about keeping Emily away as much as possible and washing our hands a lot, but I guess we need to be even more cautious! Yet, I know that even if we are extremely cautious sometimes Emily will catch whatever it is anyway. It's scary how one moment everything is going fine and the next it's not. Makes me so grateful that Ryan is practicing medicine and caught it in time before it could have completely closed her airway. And that he was and is worthy to give a priesthood blessing to anyone who needs it, especially our kids. I am so grateful for the gospel!

My dad, Jared with Emily. She is still on her oxygen.
Emily off her oxygen
I know they say not to put babies on their stomach, but all my girls have always preferred their stomach to their backs. So when I can watch Emily sleep I will sometimes let her lay on her stomach. These pictures were all taken the same day, Emily fell asleep on the floor, Madi on the couch and Avery in her bed.

Grateful

I found this report online and I thought it was pretty incredible. It states, "Out of the 209 pregnancies ended at 23 weeks between 1998 and 2001 only 89 babies were born alive. Half of them received intensive treatment, but only 14 survived, the research found. By the time these 14 were aged 3, only 4 had no disabilities." Janet Carey, national executive, research and programs, for the charity SIDS and Kids.

Wow. When I read that I was actually pretty shocked by those numbers. I realize that this study was done 8-10 years ago, and medicine and technology has come so far even since then, but still, Emily's chances of even surviving were so slim. Emily is a little miracle. Her chances of having a normal healthy life are still threatened just by the fact she was born at 23 weeks and had a grade 2 brain bleed on one side. She is growing so fast already and is doing so well. It's hard sometimes to get things done around the house, because all I want to do is hold her! We feel so blessed to have her in our lives.

We feel so grateful to have had 17 wonderful days with Ethan as well. To have been able to hold his hands, touch his face and just be near him was such a beautiful feeling. He was so close to Heavenly Father and I feel so grateful for those glimpses that I got through him. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about him, talked about him to the kids, or looked at his pictures. There are pictures, flowers, plants, a cast of his feet and hands and other little things throughout the house that remind us of our little boy because we never want to forget him or the feelings that we felt.

It was so hard to let him go, because we were already so attached to him. But knowing that he is in a far better place and that he doesn't have to go through all the challenges and disappointments in this life, that he is perfect and we will see and raise him again in the next life brings so much peace and happiness to us both. It really makes me strive everyday to be a better mom, wife, friend, sister and person. Maybe this experience is just what I needed to help me get back to our Heavenly Father, because with all my faults and shortcomings I might have some major difficulties!

Our little Ethan. I just love this picture of him.

So Emily is doing awesome. She is now about 8 1/2 pounds. She has been rolling over for about 2 weeks now. Almost everyday she has rolled over from her stomach to her back, one time even rolling over 5 times in a row! She can lift her head up with her arms and she grabs on to things; fingers, toys. She smiles and coos when we talk to her. She loves to be held and sang to. She is alert and likes to look around. We are so excited to see her accomplish and conquer these basic skills. We have heard many babies born at 23 weeks don't move very much, and their movements are very stiff. We feel so blessed that she is moving around so much and doing so well for everything she has been through. She is such a fighter!

Emily continues to get her eyes examined almost every week. And although it's hard for me to witness as, they have to clamp her eyes open and use tools to move her eye all around inside, her eyes are doing well at this time. We are hoping and praying the vessels continue to grow in the right direction and that she will not have to have laser eye surgery. If however, the vessels start growing the wrong way it's possible she could be blind, but if they catch it in time (that's why they see her about every ten days) we would take her down to Salt Lake where they could do a Laser Eye Surgery which would prevent her from being totally blind. But I feel good that her eyes will continue to grow how they are suppose to.

Emily is still on oxygen...sort of. We have been weaning her off slowly the last week or so. The last two days we have been turning off her oxygen completely to see how she handles it. We have a monitor that lets us know what her oxygen levels are at and shows her heart rate so we can see exactly how it is affecting her and so far, so good! Yesterday she was off oxygen most of the entire day and night so we think she is probably ready to come off in the next day or two. I am pretty excited that I won't have to lug that oxygen tank everywhere I go anymore!

We feel so grateful for all the progress Emily is making and we know Ethan is cheering her on!

First Day at Preschool!

Today was Madisen's first day of Preschool. She was a little nervous she said but when she made a few friends and got to eat toast for breakfast she was all too excited to be going back tomorrow. Phew! That's good to hear. The whole time I was wondering how she was going to handle it as she is super shy and gets frustrated easily sometimes. But her teacher said she did wonderful and actually talked her ears off!

What? Are we talking about the same child? ;)


Madi will be going to school Tuesday through Friday, from 9:30am -1:30pm. They provide breakfast and lunch everyday! I am so excited for her and for the opportunity for her to be in preschool to grow and discover more about herself; her likes and dislikes and hopefully for her self-esteem and confidence to grow tremendously!

Madi writing her name.

Hi Mom.

This is one side of her classroom. I know, I know. I am such a dorky mom...bringing the camera to her class to take pictures of everything! I am sure all the other parents were saying, "oh please!" haha. I kept hugging and kissing her and finally one of her teachers said, "She will be ok, Mom. She will do just fine."
Me: "Oh , yeah. Right. I know."

Our Summer

(Warning: MEGA POST! I apologize that I was too lazy(or too busy!) to post these pictures and stories when they happened so I have combined our whole summer into ONE post!)

This year summer didn't start for us here in Pocatello until late June, early July! It rained most of May and almost the entire month of June! I love the rain. I really do, but THAT was a bit much. So hot summer days came late this year and it's inviting warmth and sunshine is already slowly creeping away leaving us with chilly mornings and sudden overcasts. Sure, I bet we still have a good month of nice weather before it gets bone chilling cold, but by no time we will be back on our frozen tundra. So soak in as much UV-rays and get all the vitamin D as you possibly can before it's gone!

Because summer was so short, (or at least to me it feels that way) I felt like we didn't get to do some of the fun summer activities that we had planned to do. Yet, now having the time to look back through all the pictures of the last couple months, I think we did have a fun-filled summer after all! I just might have been too preoccupied to notice, as Ryan and I were so busy traveling back and forth to Salt Lake to visit the twins, mostly Emily, every weekend, that it's been kind of...well, CRAZY!

But in between all the traveling, we did get to do a few fun things. So let's take a look back at what we did......................

We had a picnic with Grandma and Grandpa Graf then headed over to Hoogle Zoo! The girls had such a good time, they always do with grandma and grandpa! Avery liked Grandpa's hat...so cute!

Hoogle Zoo!

After the Zoo, we went out to dinner at PF Changs, one of our favorite restaurants. Such good food! Grandma Graf and Madi playing around.

Avery trying to eat with chop-sticks...uh, not quite Avery!

My cousin, Brian and his wife, Carmen (who I absolutely adore!) came to dinner with us too! It was so much fun meeting up with them and hanging out. When we went down to see Emily we sometimes would stay at their house in West Valley Utah. Thanks Carmen and Brian for everything! Love you guys!

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The girls just love holding their baby sister. Madi is always asking, "Can I take care of Emily, Mom?" It's so cute to hear them both say, "It's OK, Emily" when she is crying. They love her to pieces!

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The girls got to be in a parade and everyone from primary decorated theirs bikes and paraded down the streets of Pocatello.

Here's Madi, Melissa and Maylee on their bikes.

We also decorate Avery's ride and she loved following the big kids down the street. Go Avery!

Madi helped decorate her bike and was so proud of it!

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This summer we went exploring for rocks in the yard. The girls found rocks that they liked then we came inside to "make them pretty" as Madi would say and painted them!

Avery multitasking...

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We also got to spend some time outside playing in the sprinkler. However, I am not sure the girls got wet much if at all, as Avery wouldn't go near it and Madi tried her best to avoid the water as much as possible trying to grab the ball from the sprinkler either by stretching over the water,

running around the water,

or ducking from the water.

Finally claiming victory by retrieving the ball and only getting partially wet.

Avery watching from the sidelines...

Another time we had our friends, Jordan, Skye and their cute little boy, Asher over for some sprinkler fun too!

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On June 27th we went to the annual Newman Reunion. Every year it's held at Springville Utah. There are some really nice camping areas and we have a big breakfast and lunch. In the afternoon we have our traditional Newman auction, to pay for next year's expenses. Here's a goofy picture of me, with my dad's parents, my Grandpa and Grandma Newman. Eating, talking, eating, laughing, eating, playing, and ....oh, eating. :)




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A fun thing Madi got to do this summer was take swimming lessons for four weeks. She did very well and it was so fun watching her learn new swim moves, make new friends, splash and ultimately have fun! Her swimsuit literally swam on her. It is a size 4T, but she is just too skinny (wish I had that problem!) , so we had to tie it up every morning, making little fins on her shoulders! :)


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This summer the girls also spent many hours running around the house as pumpkin and dog-?


They thought they were pretty cute, but I thought so too!

My lil' pumpkin!

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We also got to attend cousin Colton's Birthday in Rexburg. (This is my older brother, Adam's cute little boy). Colton turned two on July 28th! Happy Birthday Cole!

Cole and Aves eating some delicious bass...I mean cake. By the looks on their face, I would say it was pretty good too.


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The girls also spend many hours outside in the sand box, playing on the swing set and in their house. This was great for mommy too, as it gave mommy a much needed break! Here's a few cute pictures of the girls outside exploring, pretending and digging...

Madi loves to "help" dad mow the lawn.

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And lastly, I took these pictures two Sundays ago and thought the girls looked so cute all dressed up for church!

Overall we had a GREAT summer and hope everyone else did too!