Grateful

I found this report online and I thought it was pretty incredible. It states, "Out of the 209 pregnancies ended at 23 weeks between 1998 and 2001 only 89 babies were born alive. Half of them received intensive treatment, but only 14 survived, the research found. By the time these 14 were aged 3, only 4 had no disabilities." Janet Carey, national executive, research and programs, for the charity SIDS and Kids.

Wow. When I read that I was actually pretty shocked by those numbers. I realize that this study was done 8-10 years ago, and medicine and technology has come so far even since then, but still, Emily's chances of even surviving were so slim. Emily is a little miracle. Her chances of having a normal healthy life are still threatened just by the fact she was born at 23 weeks and had a grade 2 brain bleed on one side. She is growing so fast already and is doing so well. It's hard sometimes to get things done around the house, because all I want to do is hold her! We feel so blessed to have her in our lives.

We feel so grateful to have had 17 wonderful days with Ethan as well. To have been able to hold his hands, touch his face and just be near him was such a beautiful feeling. He was so close to Heavenly Father and I feel so grateful for those glimpses that I got through him. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I haven't thought about him, talked about him to the kids, or looked at his pictures. There are pictures, flowers, plants, a cast of his feet and hands and other little things throughout the house that remind us of our little boy because we never want to forget him or the feelings that we felt.

It was so hard to let him go, because we were already so attached to him. But knowing that he is in a far better place and that he doesn't have to go through all the challenges and disappointments in this life, that he is perfect and we will see and raise him again in the next life brings so much peace and happiness to us both. It really makes me strive everyday to be a better mom, wife, friend, sister and person. Maybe this experience is just what I needed to help me get back to our Heavenly Father, because with all my faults and shortcomings I might have some major difficulties!

Our little Ethan. I just love this picture of him.

So Emily is doing awesome. She is now about 8 1/2 pounds. She has been rolling over for about 2 weeks now. Almost everyday she has rolled over from her stomach to her back, one time even rolling over 5 times in a row! She can lift her head up with her arms and she grabs on to things; fingers, toys. She smiles and coos when we talk to her. She loves to be held and sang to. She is alert and likes to look around. We are so excited to see her accomplish and conquer these basic skills. We have heard many babies born at 23 weeks don't move very much, and their movements are very stiff. We feel so blessed that she is moving around so much and doing so well for everything she has been through. She is such a fighter!

Emily continues to get her eyes examined almost every week. And although it's hard for me to witness as, they have to clamp her eyes open and use tools to move her eye all around inside, her eyes are doing well at this time. We are hoping and praying the vessels continue to grow in the right direction and that she will not have to have laser eye surgery. If however, the vessels start growing the wrong way it's possible she could be blind, but if they catch it in time (that's why they see her about every ten days) we would take her down to Salt Lake where they could do a Laser Eye Surgery which would prevent her from being totally blind. But I feel good that her eyes will continue to grow how they are suppose to.

Emily is still on oxygen...sort of. We have been weaning her off slowly the last week or so. The last two days we have been turning off her oxygen completely to see how she handles it. We have a monitor that lets us know what her oxygen levels are at and shows her heart rate so we can see exactly how it is affecting her and so far, so good! Yesterday she was off oxygen most of the entire day and night so we think she is probably ready to come off in the next day or two. I am pretty excited that I won't have to lug that oxygen tank everywhere I go anymore!

We feel so grateful for all the progress Emily is making and we know Ethan is cheering her on!