I'm Baaaccck!

So that wasn't a very long break at all from blogging, I know. But I didn't say how long, just long enough for me to get my priorities straight. There's a talk (and I think it was by Elder Oaks, correct me if I am wrong) that talks about what is good, better and best. Blogging is definitely a good thing to do, but it is not always better or BEST. But I think my blog was missing me...haha, ok obviously not, but I was missing it! My house is clean and the kids are napping so I thought, "what shall I do?"

BLOG!

Going Private

Dear Family and Friends,

After much thought, Ryan and I have decided it best for our family to go private. If you would like to get the latest news on the ins and outs of our family please leave your email address in the comments or email me at Christyeve2001@hotmail.com to receive an invite. Thanks!

Blogging

(Those that haven't visited my blog page in awhile, please read my previous post titled, Why do we blog? Before reading this one...it will make a lot more sense!)

This is My Story.

My eyes slowly blink open. I look around the dark room uneasily not knowing why I am feeling so anxious. I look over to the desk and check the clock on the nightstand and read 6:03. I lay there wide eyed and tense, then it occurs to me why I am feeling the way I do. It's been one of the first things that enters my mind almost every morning for the last few months. No, not my kids, my husband or how many loads of laundry I need to do. But a simple four-letter word, (not a swear word)...but something worse and great mingle together all at the same time. And this simple word has gradually consumed my thoughts day in and day out, and that is my 'blog'. It's 6:11. I toss and turn in my spot trying to find a comfortable position, wanting this whole pressure of blogging and commenting put into another world, a world full of nightmares. Why has blogging become such a craze among so many? I try to push these thoughts and others out and concentrate on nothing, desperately trying to get my pitiful blog out of my mind. I fail miserably and realize that was never going to be an option to begin with and almost willingly grant a victory to my thoughts on my undeserving blog. Defeated now and anxious still, my thoughts drift to worrying if anyone thinks I have gone mad. I start to wonder if I have... 6:19. To be waking up and thinking of comments again...really am I that pathetic? I would like to think not, but it's apparent that I am... Do others feel the same way? My heart starts to speed up and I get restless tossing and turning. 6:28. I can't lay here anymore not knowing, or I will go mad, if I haven't already, I tell myself. So I get out of bed slowly trying not to wake my husband in the process who seems a little restless himself (he actually having an excuse for his uneasiness, as he has tests coming up and pressure from school). Me, I have a blog. A pathetic one, by all standards.

To make sure that he is just sleeping, I head to the bathroom for a diversion. I don't hear anything, so I quickly do what a bathroom is intended for and wanting to quietly tiptoe down the hall to the computer room, I find myself leaping in long running strides instead...so much for a diversion! In one quick stride I lean over and gently push the small round button on the computer, which feels like holds my whole world right now. I think to myself as the computer is humming to life, "I am pathetic." I say the words slowly, over and over again. "Does anyone else see that? ...most likely," as I laugh at myself. I sit there and stare at the screen, trying to wait patiently for the computer to load. My heart continues to beat wildly inside my chest. I tell myself to calm down and breathe in and out. I look around the room not for anything in particular but just to shake my head from side to side, trying to stop my brain and my heart from crushing a world record in a 100-meter race. My attention is drawn towards the window and I start to wonder... I gradually stand up and walk over and peek out the blinds, "Phew, no toilet paper...yet. That's good." I tell tell myself, trying to think positive, but as soon as I try to comfort myself with this thought, I see the screen come to life on the computer and immediately my thoughts turn toward the inevitable, "but what about my blog? Do others feel the same way?" Right then it hits me the hardest, I despise that word and growl, "comments."

The screen comes to full life with a picture of one of my husband's best friends with a hair do from the 80's centered in the middle of the monitor, I nervously chuckle to myself only for a moment as I take the mouse in hand and move it over to the internet explorer. I click just once and a page opens up. "This is it," I tell myself. Just a few clicks away from knowing my fate! haha...I hadn't noticed until then but my hands were shaking and I had started to sweat even though the clock on the far wall read 68 degrees. The panic starts to rise, getting more intense with every second that passes as I get closer to my fate. I am only a screen away from potential disaster. I think, "Oh dear, what have I done!"

Then I see it. I stare at the number of comments for what seems like eternity. My mouth slowly starts to turn upward, but I don't know whether I should giggle with delight or run and hide. I open each comment and read. As I read one by one, the smile on my face seems to gradually increase in size and after the last comment is read, I am full on laughing! LOL!!!

aaaaaaaaaahhhhh! What a relief to know that everyone doesn't hate me and that I didn't offended anyone!**SIGH!**

And that's where my story ends.

Obviously this story is pretty exaggerated, but it sure makes me feel better, that I can admit to you how pathetic I am. Kara had mentioned what a great story this is, and although most of these things on here are what happened this morning(pathetic, I know)- getting up early and feeling some of those things but yes, it's just an EXAGGERATED story...to clarify. What I meant by being completely honest and open is that I hope everyone can share ideas, stories, beliefs and our life with each other, without worrying about anything else, especially, "comments". Of course we do not live in a perfect world, so this might be entirely difficult, but I am going to give it a go, at least for my own sanity!

It's so nice to hear from each of you though and know that you care about me like I care about you....I know mushy, right? But seriously, so much of my energy and time is consumed by your thoughts, your challenges, your dreams, and your children-your life! (And all of you expressed the same things in different ways.) I sometimes wonder if I am a borderline, stalker. I am surprised that I don't have even one restraining order against me, let alone dozens! haha. JK. So I am completely flattered that you check my blog as often as I check yours. Of course that does nothing for my blogging issues, as now I will be expecting the same amount of comments on all my blog entries from here on out....lol! just kidding. No, really I appreciate all of you and I am glad that I can be open and you are not offended.

My husband laughs at me and my obsession to blogging and checking comments. I see the humor in it of course...and I have decided it is a relief knowing that I am not alone in this. That we are all a little silly about it sometimes; wondering if people like us, think are blogs are fun and not boring. Blogging is addicting, it's like anything else. It's like there is magnetic force getting stronger and stronger pulling me toward the computer everyday and the other end of the magnet is the chair...yeah I definitely need to get a grip on this blogging stuff...haha. So I am taking a break from blogging...not sure how long, but I will still be checking all of yours, so keep posting!

And again, thank you all for your nice comments. When I am having a bad day or feeling bad about myself I will just read your comments! ....It's funny how one minute I totally despise that word, and the next it's music to my ears...commets...lol. how ironic! aaahhh, that's my sad life. :)

Why do we blog?

To answer my own question, when I first started blogging it was for many reasons.

The first being several of you are bloggers and I love reading your posts and looking at pictures of your cute family. I love to stay-in-touch with friends and family, as most of you are aware. If you'd ask my husband, he would say that's 99% of what's always on my mind. I am constantly wondering how my friends and family are doing. I can't stand not knowing if everyone is ok. Life gets busy sometimes and we all have our own families, but I love hearing from you and being able to check in whenever I want to. So thank you for sharing your lives with us! I really do love you all!

The second reason was because I used to write in my journal all the time. I like writing about things or maybe it's just that I love to talk. ;) But for some reason I "couldn't find time" when I had kids to write in my journal all that much, and thought maybe I "could find time" to blog. haha! (Now I am finding way too much time for blogging!)

The last reason was because a few of you wanted me to start a blog, and I kept putting it off. Why? I don't know. Maybe because I knew I would become utterly addicted! But to those that kept saying I should, thank you! However, whatever the motive for first starting this blog, it worked. I get to stay in touch better with all of you! And I am keeping a record of my family and our lives, which I have always wanted to do! Plus the added bonus that it is REALLY fun!!!

All those reasons I listed above is why I started a blog, and they are still the reasons why I blog today. Yet, somewhere along the way something else has become important, and I don't know why! BUT it has really started to bug me....and that's comments. Why comments? Why do we all want a comment?!

So I had to think....am I an insecure Mormon mommy of two, who blog-brags or who needs affirmation? I never thought I was or put myself in that category, because I always question my intentions before posting anything...thinking or maybe justifying, "it's journaling-family history," or "for grandma and grandpa to know what we have been up to and see pictures of the kids..." blah blah blah.

So I kept telling myself who cares if no one comments! I love life and I am secure in who I am. But then why, after several days go by after posting something fun (in this case it was my little girl turning one). I thought there would probably be many comments, only to discover that just one person had left a comment (thanks Kara) and I was sadly disappointed! But why?? (Right then that was my first clue about my self-worth...letting it hang on comments). How pathetic. I need a life. lol.

After talking with a good friend of mine the other day she also expressed similar feelings. So I decided to try and write my feelings about this, because I know I am not alone. I don't know if that's a relief knowing that others feel the same way or if I would rather be the only one. And I don't know yet if I will post this... right now I am just writing for my own sake. I am a complete scatter-brain sometimes; no wonder my husband is often times bewildered by my actions. Writing thoughts out helps me to make better sense of them. Yet, maybe I will post this because maybe, just maybe, there are a few you that might be feeling or have felt this way...(but unlike me, you are smart enough not to express yourself and get an angry mob after you!) And those that don't feel this way or never have... good for you! You must be either new to the blogging world or you really are just that secure! :)

So remember these are just my feelings, I don't want anyone being offended by this, or worried that I have indeed reached insanity. I am OK...really. :) And I definitely don't want people to hate me, so please take all this with a grain of salt! I am usually not this bold in front of people, at least I don't think I am...Maybe with my close family and friends who understand and know me well. But usually I just bite my tongue and don't say anything, so I am a little surprised at myself for doing this. It's like an adrenaline rush! (It's all the football that's been going on at our house, seriously!) You know what they say about getting older...you tend to hold back less and want to voice your opinion more. Yikes! (That could be scary!) That should warn me right there to stop and bite my tongue. hehe...I never learn.

I am not sure who invented blogging, but I kind of wonder if it was some amazing stay at home mom of two sets of twins, who needed more ways to express herself other than "goo-goo’s, and ga-ga’s", to an audience older than two. And blogging has definitely become the latest fashion with internet surfing to express oneself.

By writing this, I feel like I am breeching some unwritten rule in the blogging world, that almost everyone thinks about, but few people actually talk about. (Please don't egg my house...it was just painted. I would prefer toliet paper...lol. thanks.) Blogging has become quite the thing to do, everyone surfing around excessively viewing and commenting on everyone else's blogs…all of us telling each other how cute and creative we all are, with all the "aaah's and oooh's" which makes us feel important and inadequate all in the same moment... Doesn't that sound about right? Is it such a bad thing to want some validation then? No I think not. Blogging has become so widespread among stay at home moms. We all want and NEED that adult conversation and what a better way to get that then sharing our lives with each other through our blogs. And then getting feedback through comments...right?? A friend of ours recently wrote on her blog, (and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her),... "I know, I know. It's been forever right? But I often wonder if anyone actually reads this...maybe I just need some confirmation that the whole blog thing isn't a narcissistic attempt at proving my life has substance..." Amen to that.

Below is a picture I found and thought... that's it! Who is the next...

After reading this post you are probably thinking something like, "ok I thought she was weird, now I know she is weird," "she is going crazy...poor thing" or "she has fallen off her rocker"...haha. If there is one thing I am good at, it is laughing at myself. The fact is: I am having issues. Blogging issues. Time for me to have a hiatus.

(If I haven't made you feel guilty into commenting yet, then this poor little puppy ought to work... haha! jk.) Please don't feel bad if you don't want to leave a comment. I can see it now... everyone leaving a comment because you don't want to hurt my feelings or no one leaving a comment because you are too scared to! (I am pathetic, but not that pathetic!)

Less TV = More FUN and LEARNING

Does anyone find it hard to entertain your kids all day long with stuff to do other than watching the tube? Well I certainly do! I have heard a few of you blog and comment on this before, but I guess it's been on my mind a lot more lately. Maybe it's because we have been indoors more, since it has been getting colder outside...already! (It's going to be a long winter!) I try and only have the TV on for a few hours a day. I can't stand having the TV on all the time and having my kids, (mostly Madi) be hypnotized by it. But sometimes those 2 hours turn into a few more, as I am not sure how to keep her entertained. And those few hours that it is on I still feel guilty, even though the shows that she loves to watch are pretty educational: Sesame Street, Caillou and of course the infamous purple DINOSAUR, and that well-known animated song, that always seems to get stuck chanting in my head, "I love you, you love me..," Barney.

I heard a report a month ago on the news here in Pocatello that said, kids that watch TV are not developing skills they need to know and that TV slows down brain development.... Yikes! I have heard this many times in varying degrees, but it really worries me. At first I heard that over two hours is not good, now I am hearing that kids under two shouldn't be watching TV at all! So I might be making this into a bigger deal then it is, but yet sometimes I don't feel that way. After hearing this report and other articles online about it, I still wonder if even the few hours a day that the TV is on, is still too much for them to be watching. Do any of you feel that way or am I worrying about nothing? But then if no TV, I ask myself, how do I keep them happy and entertained AND me out of an insane asylum?!

There are many websites that talk about the affects on kids watching TV, but if any of you wanted to read more about this article the website is:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/family/tv_affects_child.html

I really want to treat TV as a privilege that my kids need to earn. I think it will make them more responsible and help them to understand that it is not something they are entitled to, as is many other things. I am not very good at doing this yet, but I want to be. Ryan and I sometimes joke around saying that we will officially be the meanest parents around when our children are in school....elementary school, junior high AND high school, because we will be the parents that will not buy them cell phones or put TV's in their room. We still have a few years until that time comes-hopefully more, but when it does, someone by then (possibly a child that spend few hours in front of the tube...haha jk.) will have probably developed some kind of electronic chip that you embed in your ear. And texting will be long out of style followed by a device that will make communication between people unnecessary as everyone will just be able to read each other's thoughts... Now that could be scary! Who knows! At least for now, while our kids are young they think we are pretty cool...I hope.

Sorry, back to my question ...(when I get going on a subject my mind starts to run marathons in my head. Too bad my body can't keep up and do the same thing, then maybe I could lose some weight!) My point for this whole blog was to share ideas with you and get ideas from you-ways that you entertain your kids. Because like I said, it's hard to find things to do with my girls all day long when going outside much will not be an option soon. The TV at times has become my life saver, as sad as that is to say, because I don't have the energy or a clue on how to entertain them all day long. And when I do try, by the end of the day we are all so crabby that only chocolate chip cookies can help cheer us up! (and we all know that cookies aren't going to help me lose the weight either!)

BUT in effort to keep the TV off more, (and I really have to make a conscious effort) I tried doing some fun activities with them that would keep them and myself happy and entertained. So this week we spent a lot more time doing projects. We made dinosaur puppets, a dinosaur coloring book, acted out different dinosaurs, and played ballerina dinosaurs. There are some great websites on the side of our blog for doing crafts with kids. But I would love to get more suggestions from you!

These are pictures of Madi with her coloring book. It only took a few hours to make and color, but it was less hours in front of the tube and more hours having fun and learning! And just look at that SMILE!!

She was pretty excited about her book, and even woke up at 4 in the morning asking for it. I was happy that she was so proud of herself and all, but I wasn't happy getting up at 4 in the morning!

GUESS WHO???

1. He was a little surprised to find out he actually flunked his Senior year...

2. Does anyone know where I put the Ex-lax?

3. What?! You are out of hair spray!

4. Is that Mr. Noodle, from Sesame Street?

5. Last year I asked my mom to the prom.

6. Like, oh my gosh! I like totally just broke my nail! ugh...

7. I can't go to the game tonight, I have to wash my hair.

8. As your class president, I promise to always be cooler than you.

9. I know I am cute, but how's my hair?

Ryan through the years

1952... I have to say, Ryan would have done pretty good in the 50's! He looks so cute here!

1960...Phil, Phil Connors? This is Ned!! Ned Ryerson!! Harhar... (Groundhog's Day)

1962...Hey McFly? You got my homework done yet?

1970... I could get you a great deal on this Ford Pinto! She rides like a beauty.

1974...Hey baby, you wanna come over to my crib and we can break out the eight-tracks?

1976...Oh, oh, oh, oh, stayin' alive, stayin' alive!

1980... you thought Greg Brady was cute? Check me out.

1982...Did you loose a comb? I think it might be in my incredible afro.

1988... I love my feathered look. Radical.

1990...Ryan has always wanted a mullet. I guess dreams do come true!

1996...You know, Ryan actually graduated in 1997, and he looked exactly like this! Yes, he had that much hair!

Christy's yearbook extravaganza

1950...Classic beauty or class clown?

1964...Geek or Chic?

1966...This look is actually quite cute I think, maybe a little less volume all around, but overall this is my favorite hair-do.

1978...I look like a white Diana Ross!

1982...This hair do is swallowing my face! The girls must have used it as some sort of umbrella when it rained...hmm...mushrooms anyone?


1990...ohhh those AMAZING mile-high bangs! ...I don't miss those at all!

1994...Perm crazy era! Looks like the fashion in Utah right now...

Tag...I'm it!

Well I was tagged last week by my best friend, and this tag was really fun to do because it gave me a chance to ponder these things:

Share three of your joys, fears, goals, current obsessions, regrets & facts about yourself... Then, tag five more people & leave a comment on their blog, so they'll know!


JOYS-
1. Being with my family and friends
2. Having a conversation with Madi and hearing her cute little voice.
3. Learning new things


FEARS-
1. Losing someone
2. Offending someone
3. Not returning with honor to live with my Heavenly Father

GOALS-
1. Continue to increase my testimony everyday
2. Learn to sing better and sing somewhere, sometime with my husband
3. Run a marathon


CURRENT OBSESSIONS-
1. Well it's probably pretty obvious...blogging
2. Reading...I have read 8 books in the last month!
3. Vaccumming. I know this is a weird one, but the carpet is a dark green color and everything shows on it, so I am constantly vaccumming!


REGRETS-

1. Sometimes failing to be a better mom everday
2. Wasting time and energy holding a dumb grudge when I never have to...
3. There are probably A LOT more, but my brain is coming up blank!


FACTS-
1. I don't like it when people are really late
2. I love greenbeans!
3. I love to learn about and help people

**I know I am supposed to tag five people, but I will just leave this one open to anyone that wants to do it! SO...Can't wait to read everyones!

Sunsets

I sometimes find myself in the evenings looking out the window wating for the sun to set. I love watching the sun set. I love seeing all the bright colors and images changing right before my eyes! I would love to have a house someday with a big porch wrapping around the house, where I could be with my family and watch the sun rise and set. I could seriously watch it for hours, if it lasted that long. (Even when looking at these pictures, I just can't help but stare at them in awe, so I wanted to share them with you). It is so peaceful and it's like my life comes to a stop momentarily, and even though the sky is still moving and continuing to turn different shades of pinks, reds and blues; I am not busy worrying about cleaning my house, paying bills, or wiping kids noses. It makes me forget all my responsibilities and minor problems for a brief while and I am lost in the beauty of the sunset; pondering the amazing world which we are so blessed to live in. It's just beautiful and it's another reminder to me how grateful I am for all the blessings Heavenly Father has given me.

Progress is good...even if it's a little, right?

Madi has always been a bit shy, ok maybe "a bit" is quite an understatement, or maybe introverted is a better word to describe her. She has come a long way though, considering that usually anywhere we'd go...the doctor's office, the store, PLAY group, wherever she didn't know anyone, she would literary freak out, crying and clutching onto my legs so hard, as if I were going to feed her to the sharks! And believe me, during those frustrating moments I thought I could! ;) Do any of you EVER feel that way? I understand that many kids act that way, it's just part of childhood to be shy and hold back because of the unknown. I have seen many kids that way around strangers and some quite the opposite and both can be challenging! But this issue has always been a major challenge for me. She is doing better, for which I am so grateful! But she still has her moments, and although I have been through it countless times, I never seem fully ready for it. I just don't understand it, when she "freaks out" and possibly never will but I have learned to try not to draw attention to it. This is a challenge and makes me feel that my child and I come from two totally different planets. I love to talk as most of you would confirm. I will talk to anyone that will talk back or even those that don't. I am one of those so called people that talk in the line at the grocery store to everyone around me... I know, embarrassing right? So in my attempt to get Madi involved in more social settings where she could get to know other girls and maybe talk...even if it's a little; I decided to try my luck with putting her in tap/ballet lessons. (I know some of you haven't heard her talk much until recently).

Ryan and I have been talking about dance class for the last month with her, pumping her up for it. And all day long the day before dance, I talked her ear off about all the fun things she would be learning, her nice teachers, new friends, etc...

-

Come morning we find out that one of my friends from our old ward, Kara, and her daughter, Sadie will be in the same class together! Yet, before signing Madi up, I came into this with no expectations. (Which is really hard for me to do. I always put all this emotional energy into things thinking, oh this will be so fun for Madi, and she will have the greatest time and just love it! Always having high expectations....I haven't learned this lesson apparently, because the so called activities that I always think Madi will love, ends up being the battle of the century and I come away feeling drained and irritated that she didn't join in on the fun.) So before my thoughts could get carried away into thinking this will be great, I had to remember that I came into this really having no expectations other then just getting to the dance class on time and dressed!

-

So on the drive there, I continued my drilling on the events that would most likely take place; in an effort that it might help her but she seemed as calm or maybe just as oblivious as ever. I on the other hand, was feeling hesitant and nervous, the drilling was probably for my own sake, praying that she wouldn't put on a whole spectacle of screaming and hanging onto my legs for dear life.

So everyone arrives and there are about 10 girls in the class. However, before class starts someone "freaks out," AND guess what??!!

----

It wasn't my child!!!!

Hooray!

Of course I did feel terrible for the grandmother as her granddaugter was the one freaking out, but can you imagine my excitement, as it wasn't my child this time!

As we were getting ready to leave, I turned to my friend, Kara and said, "Well, at least she didn't freak out."

I was unaware that Madi was paying any attention to me. A moment later she looked up at me with a seriousness in her eyes and a confirmation in her voice and said, "Yeah, at least I didn't freak out."

-

oops.

-

So although Madi didn't dance, (no expectation) at least she quietly sat down with the rest of the class, and when the class started dancing, she again, quietly watched. A few times I had to go in there with her, but overall it was a great experience! I know some of you might be thinking, but she didn't do anything?? But for my child being with strangers for an extended period of time without freaking out, this is progress!

We go again next week, and I am really trying hard not to expect anything more, but really, it can only get better from here, right? Or is that too much to expect?! ;)

Happy Birthday Nathaniel Keith Hodges!

Well folks, it is time once again for me, Ryan, to completely humiliate my other brother. Nathan is 11 months younger than me and, although inferior in most every way, he is a way better artist and musician!
When Nate was born in the little rural town of Blackfoot, Idaho, the doctors and medical staff had never seen any baby quite so cute. Above is a picture taken of him moments after he was born. Although the cuteness wore off at an alarming rate, he still has just about the same haircut and slightly less hair on the arms.

Nate and Sean show off their opposable thumbs (Nate's got opposable toes too.)

We learned very early on that Nate was the artist of the family. While Iwas drawing stick men and Sean was drooling all over himself, Nate was creating visual masterpieces. I'd like to take credit for his abilities, seeing as how without the constant daily abuse I wreaked upon him, he never would have turned within himself and found his hidden talent. They say that most artists are slightly disturbed. I like to think I had a hand in that. Here are a few of my favorites! This first one appears to be a self-portrait:

And here's a picture of Nate's legs on an oven mitt (?!?)

Another of our favorite things to do when we were youngsters was play with our piles of legos and create sweet spaceships or submarines. Whatever we were interested in we created with our legos. Of course, Nate would always build these amazing lego planes or ships that seriously could have been sold as real lego kits. I always ran over to Nate to show him what I had built with my legos, but when I saw what he had built, I would hide my below-par lego failure behind my back and take it back to the drawing board.

Nate got married back in 2004 to the greatest sister-in-law I could have ever hoped for! Erin is an amazing girl and is perfect for Nate. She even lets him play drums in the basement and rock out on his guitar and his bass. I hear that she can crank it out too!

What a cute couple! (Erin isn't really cross-eyed. She's beautiful. And Nate can do this cool trick with his eyes where they flicker back and forth super fast and it really trips you out.)

Nate is a fantastic brother. He is a blast to be around and so funny! I don't think I know many people that have a bigger heart or a greater amount of patience than him. He works very hard and is one of those people that doesn't really even have to try to excel at things. He is very sensitive to the needs of others. I can't believe that he's 29!

Here's to my bro Nate!

Hooray

Nate likes to carry flowers with him wherever he goes. Sean, on the other hand, is always the bride's maid, never the bride...