Blogging

(Those that haven't visited my blog page in awhile, please read my previous post titled, Why do we blog? Before reading this one...it will make a lot more sense!)

This is My Story.

My eyes slowly blink open. I look around the dark room uneasily not knowing why I am feeling so anxious. I look over to the desk and check the clock on the nightstand and read 6:03. I lay there wide eyed and tense, then it occurs to me why I am feeling the way I do. It's been one of the first things that enters my mind almost every morning for the last few months. No, not my kids, my husband or how many loads of laundry I need to do. But a simple four-letter word, (not a swear word)...but something worse and great mingle together all at the same time. And this simple word has gradually consumed my thoughts day in and day out, and that is my 'blog'. It's 6:11. I toss and turn in my spot trying to find a comfortable position, wanting this whole pressure of blogging and commenting put into another world, a world full of nightmares. Why has blogging become such a craze among so many? I try to push these thoughts and others out and concentrate on nothing, desperately trying to get my pitiful blog out of my mind. I fail miserably and realize that was never going to be an option to begin with and almost willingly grant a victory to my thoughts on my undeserving blog. Defeated now and anxious still, my thoughts drift to worrying if anyone thinks I have gone mad. I start to wonder if I have... 6:19. To be waking up and thinking of comments again...really am I that pathetic? I would like to think not, but it's apparent that I am... Do others feel the same way? My heart starts to speed up and I get restless tossing and turning. 6:28. I can't lay here anymore not knowing, or I will go mad, if I haven't already, I tell myself. So I get out of bed slowly trying not to wake my husband in the process who seems a little restless himself (he actually having an excuse for his uneasiness, as he has tests coming up and pressure from school). Me, I have a blog. A pathetic one, by all standards.

To make sure that he is just sleeping, I head to the bathroom for a diversion. I don't hear anything, so I quickly do what a bathroom is intended for and wanting to quietly tiptoe down the hall to the computer room, I find myself leaping in long running strides instead...so much for a diversion! In one quick stride I lean over and gently push the small round button on the computer, which feels like holds my whole world right now. I think to myself as the computer is humming to life, "I am pathetic." I say the words slowly, over and over again. "Does anyone else see that? ...most likely," as I laugh at myself. I sit there and stare at the screen, trying to wait patiently for the computer to load. My heart continues to beat wildly inside my chest. I tell myself to calm down and breathe in and out. I look around the room not for anything in particular but just to shake my head from side to side, trying to stop my brain and my heart from crushing a world record in a 100-meter race. My attention is drawn towards the window and I start to wonder... I gradually stand up and walk over and peek out the blinds, "Phew, no toilet paper...yet. That's good." I tell tell myself, trying to think positive, but as soon as I try to comfort myself with this thought, I see the screen come to life on the computer and immediately my thoughts turn toward the inevitable, "but what about my blog? Do others feel the same way?" Right then it hits me the hardest, I despise that word and growl, "comments."

The screen comes to full life with a picture of one of my husband's best friends with a hair do from the 80's centered in the middle of the monitor, I nervously chuckle to myself only for a moment as I take the mouse in hand and move it over to the internet explorer. I click just once and a page opens up. "This is it," I tell myself. Just a few clicks away from knowing my fate! haha...I hadn't noticed until then but my hands were shaking and I had started to sweat even though the clock on the far wall read 68 degrees. The panic starts to rise, getting more intense with every second that passes as I get closer to my fate. I am only a screen away from potential disaster. I think, "Oh dear, what have I done!"

Then I see it. I stare at the number of comments for what seems like eternity. My mouth slowly starts to turn upward, but I don't know whether I should giggle with delight or run and hide. I open each comment and read. As I read one by one, the smile on my face seems to gradually increase in size and after the last comment is read, I am full on laughing! LOL!!!

aaaaaaaaaahhhhh! What a relief to know that everyone doesn't hate me and that I didn't offended anyone!**SIGH!**

And that's where my story ends.

Obviously this story is pretty exaggerated, but it sure makes me feel better, that I can admit to you how pathetic I am. Kara had mentioned what a great story this is, and although most of these things on here are what happened this morning(pathetic, I know)- getting up early and feeling some of those things but yes, it's just an EXAGGERATED story...to clarify. What I meant by being completely honest and open is that I hope everyone can share ideas, stories, beliefs and our life with each other, without worrying about anything else, especially, "comments". Of course we do not live in a perfect world, so this might be entirely difficult, but I am going to give it a go, at least for my own sanity!

It's so nice to hear from each of you though and know that you care about me like I care about you....I know mushy, right? But seriously, so much of my energy and time is consumed by your thoughts, your challenges, your dreams, and your children-your life! (And all of you expressed the same things in different ways.) I sometimes wonder if I am a borderline, stalker. I am surprised that I don't have even one restraining order against me, let alone dozens! haha. JK. So I am completely flattered that you check my blog as often as I check yours. Of course that does nothing for my blogging issues, as now I will be expecting the same amount of comments on all my blog entries from here on out....lol! just kidding. No, really I appreciate all of you and I am glad that I can be open and you are not offended.

My husband laughs at me and my obsession to blogging and checking comments. I see the humor in it of course...and I have decided it is a relief knowing that I am not alone in this. That we are all a little silly about it sometimes; wondering if people like us, think are blogs are fun and not boring. Blogging is addicting, it's like anything else. It's like there is magnetic force getting stronger and stronger pulling me toward the computer everyday and the other end of the magnet is the chair...yeah I definitely need to get a grip on this blogging stuff...haha. So I am taking a break from blogging...not sure how long, but I will still be checking all of yours, so keep posting!

And again, thank you all for your nice comments. When I am having a bad day or feeling bad about myself I will just read your comments! ....It's funny how one minute I totally despise that word, and the next it's music to my ears...commets...lol. how ironic! aaahhh, that's my sad life. :)