Ethan Returned Home

You came here for a moment,

just a spec in time.

But as you see dear child,

forever you'll be mine.

Families are Forever,

and forever ours you'll be.

So, although our time ws brief,

I know you'll be waiting for me.

You were too perfect and special to stay here very long.

Our family's very lucky,

a choice spirit came to us.

We gave him all he needed

and all he knew was love.

Our time together here on earth

was moments it is true...

but nothing will take away that day

when forever we'll be with you!

~~~~~

This past weekend when Ryan and I drove down to be with both Emily and Ethan for the weekend, we felt strongly that Ethan's time on this earth was coming to an end. The doctor and nurse practitioner told us the many things that Ethan was struggling with and that it didn't look good. I knew in my heart that it was true but I just wanted to hold onto the hope that he would be ok. We wanted to hold onto him as long as we could and believe that he would come out despite everything he was facing. I was trying to be positive that he would be fine and grow up to be a strong, healthy little boy. Yet, deep down I just had a gut wrenching feeling that he wouldn't. We had moments that he was improving but overall his health was slipping. And as the news kept getting worse and worse about Ethan's development we started to prepare for his passing. Ryan and I went back and forth with our feelings and decisions about what to do. We knew it was inevitable, but we just couldn't make the decision that weekend. Two days later, on Tuesday, May 5th, we got a call from the hospital and knew that our time with our little boy on this earth was almost up.

Ryan and I both drove down that day to be with Ethan. The nurses and doctors wheeled Ethan's bed and ventilator into a private room for us, where we could spend as much time with him as we wanted. The time we spent with him was so amazing. There are no words to describe those short few hours. It was so peaceful. I have never in my life, felt closer to our Heavenly Father and his love for me. We got to hold him, cuddle him, kiss him, talk to him, sing to him and look into his beautiful eyes. Ryan and I took several turns holding him. After some time, we strongly came to feel that it was time to let him go and that he was ready. Ryan gave Ethan one last blessing and then the nurses came in and took him off of his ventilator. Our little Ethan passed away Wednesday morning around 1am. That was by far the hardest thing Ryan and I have ever felt or done. It rocked us to our core. Yet, at the same time we have never felt so much peace and comfort. And the knowledge that he will be ours forever, as we have been sealed as a family in the temple was as strong and true as ever. I am grateful in so many ways for this experience. It has brought me closer to my Heavenly Father. It has helped me see the eterna perspective a little clearer. And the time we got to have with our little boy was beyond precious. I will always remember those feelings I felt and the spirit that was there in that room.

My mom, Rebecca, made this little tuxedo for Ethan. He looked perfect in it. Just perfect. Thanks Mom.

Ryan's mom quilted a blanket for Ethan to be buried in, so he will know how much we will always love him. Thanks Mom.

Also Ryan's mom bought the smallest shirt she could find, a premie shirt, but it was still way too big. So she took it in on all the sides, took out the blue thread and then sewed it back up using white to go with his tuxedo my mom had made for him. I am so grateful to my mom and Ryan's mom for making such a special outfit for our little boy and that we could bury him in something so cute and meaningful.

~~~~~

We got a professional photographer to come and take pictures, which I will post later. These pictures are just a few picture that we took of our time with Ethan...

Many, Many Snuggles...

Many, Many Kisses...

Ryan holding Ethan before we took him off the ventilator.

~Emily and Ethan~

I wanted to make Ethan something special, but there was just not enough time. Ryan's mom suggested that we sew something on his shirt. So Ryan and I both took a turn and sewed, WE LOVE YOU, across his shirt.

Our little man, all decked out in his cute tuxedo. Doesn't he look perfect!?

There is no foot

too small

that it cannot leave an

imprint

on this world.

This is my favorite picture!

Ethan's cute little profile

Ryan holding Ethan

More kisses...

Our Sweet Little Boy

Ryan and I got to hold him all night...

One of the nurses, Penny, made this picture collage for us! Thanks Penny!