Last Day of School

Madisen's last week of school before the summer, I got to go hang out with her and her class at the park. All the kids made Tye-Dye shirts and had pizza. With the move from Texas and all, I never got first grade pictures done for her. I know I have taken several pictures this year, but I wanted to take a few of her on her last day of 1st grade.... 

This is one thing Madisen loves to do. She loves the Monkey Bars, and is so proud of herself when she makes it all the way across. 

Playing Shark and Life Gaurd

Eating Pizza next to Rykel

Madisen's friend, Elnara 

Madisen's friend, Lydia from the ward

Madisen's teacher, Mrs. Turpin

Since moving from Texas to Idaho we have had many changes. Madisen's been to 3 schools, been home schooled by me for 2 months. The curriculum they teach here is a lot different than what she was used to. The schools seem a lot harder here with more required of them, than in Texas. Ryan and I have been thinking lately about holding her back, so it might not be her last day of 1st grade as we thought. She might get a second shot at it. It's not necessary that she isn't smart enough for second grade- her teacher thinks she is. As do we. 

Yet, her teacher said she is behind in some thing. It's more that her ability to communicate, ask questions, get involved, participation, her lack of understanding instructions and working independently, her maturity level and her confidence in her ability to do the things assigned to her is just not there. It is not something she has developed for her age. Ryan and I were both extremely shy growing up and we were both late bloomers, so it should have been no surprise that we get a child (or 3) that are the exact same way.  It doesn't help that on top of all that, she is extremely small for her age. She is one of the shortest and skinniest in her grade besides Elnara and Ryker, the other two kids she hangs out with most. haha. How ironic huh? 

Madisen hates when people call her,"tiny","little", and "small". Just last week a lady came up to me in front of Madisen and said, she is so cute and tiny. You should have SEEN the look on Madisen's face. She was so upset. I had to excuse myself from this lady and take Madisen to the side and have a talk with her. 

You may be wondering why? Well, this has been a problem since Madisen was 2. Everyone telling her she is "shy" she is "small". It's taken it's toll. So a few months back I told her when people/kids say that about her, she needs to tell them with a stern voice, "No, I'm not. I am big."

So as I was talking with Madisen I decided to take a new approach to this issue. I told her that yes, she is small and skinny and tiny and little, BUT so are a lot of people and a lot of kids. Everyone grows at different times. I told her she has more Adult teeth than most of the kids in her class. She grew those first. Other kids still have more baby teeth. Everyone is different. And being small is actually awesome! You can crawl under things, do things that bigger kids can't do. I told her that she will be tall and skinny and she will love it. That being small is not a bad thing at all. In fact, it's great! I told her that I am a small mom compared to other moms, but yet I am bigger than some other moms too. But it doesn't matter. That's the way Heavenly Father made me and the way he made you. And I think you are  perfect. Perfect just the way you are! So if someone says, your small, say, "Thank you! It's great!"

After that talk she seemed better and showed a little more confidence, or so I hoped. 

 Madisen also, gets mothered a lot by other kids in her class that look down at her as the "baby" of the class. I hate it. It drives me crazy! Yet, I know those kids don't see what they are doing or even understand it. They really think they are "helping" her. But it's hindering her and it's not their fault, it's just what it is. 

 It's just frustrating for me as a mom. As moms, we all go through different things with our kids, but this problem sure makes me feel like I am a bad mom. That I am doing something wrong to create a child that has such low confidence and self-esteem. Do I not praise her enough? Do I get on her case too hard? Do I make her feel bad about herself? No, I don't think so. I think it's just who she is. I don't always understand her but I love her just the same. 

 I have taken every approach I know how. 

I am just tired. 

I need to get on my knees more, and whine less.

I need to stop fighting the urge to put her in every activity known to man (kid), and succumb to her time and willingness to want to join.

Being a parent is hard. 

I am now done venting. 

Your welcome.